That is just how Kelly acts and I love her for it. Kelly’s role model was Jake Ryan’s bitchy girlfriend from Sixteen Candles who gets her hair stuck in the door and is mean to everyone because she is rich and pretty and because she can be. The more I get to know Kelly the more I love her, particularly because she was the meanest of the mean girls in high school. My favorite part of the episode is when Kelly takes her daughter Jolie to audition for the musical Oliver! at the local kids’ theater. Isn’t this the exact opposite way this conversation should go? Shouldn’t Vicki be the one reassuring the emotionally wrought Gina? But Vicki ends the conversation saying, “I’m going to support whatever you do.” Isn’t that where the conversation should have started? Why is a place of empathy for a friend something that Vicki has to work up to? Is she really just the grown-up robot Vicki from Small Wonder? Next thing you know, Gina is giving Vicki a pep talk and telling her that she made the right decision and that no one is judging her for getting divorced. We all know that Vicki regrets breaking up with Donn and what that did both to her and to her children, but there is no reason to take that out on Gina. We have to not be so selfish.” Yeah, because Gina isn’t concerned about the welfare of her own children? Like she’s being selfish by trying to do the right thing? That’s like telling someone to make sure they brush their teeth right after taking a piss on their Oral-B. Instead of making Gina feel bad about her decision or like she hadn’t fully thought about it, why not offer her the support of someone who had already been through this divorce? When Vicki invites Gina to talk about it she says, “I’m worried about the children. That’s sort of what I was saying last week. You’d think they’d give you a hug to make you feel better.” “You would think that they wouldn’t give you their stories of their personal train wrecks to make you feel worse. “I’m going through the hardest thing I have ever been through,” she tells her parents. She tells them that the “women” she’s been hanging out with are skeptical about her decision and she didn’t like the way they reacted to her news. Gina’s parents Susan and Gino (who was one hell of a foxy Mustached American in his younger days) came to visit and she finally opened up to them about her divorce. Vicki did have one good scene this week, with Gina. In four decades, when her ashes are living on Briana’s mantle, still, on occasion, a high-pitched tone will come from the urn and Briana will smell the unmistakable stench of margaritas filling the room and she will know that her mother has refused to stop screaming. What about this did Steve think would be fun? This is his favorite leisure activity and he’s going to invite Vicki along to wail in his ear like a cicada burrowed into his skull and then harass him just a little bit more about marrying her.Īt one point even the stoic Steve Lodge says, “Will you quit screaming?” No, Vicki will not. Not only is she going to make riding excruciating for him, she’s going to make the beer afterwards just as bad. However, when they get to the set of Tremors, Vicki is like, “I had to come because I don’t want some biker chick picking up on my man.” Then she says, “One thing to check off the bucket list: riding a motorcycle with my man.” Ugh. I don’t know if Vicki hates this experience or if she just hates being out of control, but there is nothing about this she loves. She shouts “No! No! No! No!” more times than a Saturday Night Live producer when Kanye West shows up wearing a red MAGA hat.
She tells him to slow down and maybe do something about all of this wind that is winding her.
Her boyfriend Steve outfits her in a Harley-Davidson shirt, a leather jacket, and a helmet to take her for a short 13-mile ride to a biker bar that looks like it is a recycled set for a failed Tremors TV show reboot.Īs soon as Vicki gets on the back of Steve’s hog (sorry, I involuntarily wretched when writing the words “Steve’s hog”) she starts wailing like a heart monitor in a scene on ER where someone is about to die.
Of all of the awful things I have seen and heard in my days as a chronicler here at the Real Housewives Institute - the flopping mermaid that Camille ran from, Countess Luann being savaged by a camel in Morocco, Ramona’s eyes in any given frame - I have never seen nor heard anything as awful as Victoria Denise Gunvalson Jr.